Ancestral Memory
Experiment 01 Session 02:
My Grandmother's Rosary

I meditated until my energy was balanced and all my energy centers were open. The first thing that I noticed upon picking up the rosary was that it pulled my energy down to my heart center. My energy was flowing freely between my crown center and my center of gravity (third energy center just below the navel, referred to as the sea of life force). I had to continually keep my higher centers open.

I had prior assumptions about the Catholic mind set from my own upbringing, so prior to picking up the rosary, I had wondered if sexual guilt and obsession would be sensed; something I had to work to grow out of as I progressed on my own spiritual path. Right away it became clear that the obsession was fear, especially of sickness. As I meditated I felt very many things which I knew about my grandmother flow through my mind. Let me tell some of her story.

When she married my grandfather, they lived in a camp, where he was a lumberjack during the first part of the nineteenth century. He made several cents in a twelve to fourteen hour day, but room and board only cost a nickel a week. For dinner, the camp bar would serve sandwiches and beer with raw eggs, all you could eat and drink for a penny.

Later in life they bought a house in Grovewood, on the east side of Cleveland. It was an up-down duplex and they rented the top floor out to the same people for their whole lives. When we were young we saw my Grandfather drink whiskey, but never my Grandmother. It was not until I was older that I realized that when Grandma would go into her room to rest for a few minutes, she was also drinking. When we were young she had a gall bladder operation. She had several operations while I was young. I felt that before every traumatic emotional event, she said a lot of rosaries.

My Grandparents had two children, my Mom Dolores and my Uncle Don. When Don was a young man, he had one of the very first open heart surgeries. It was a total experiment, very crude and risky. They actually put him in a huge tub of ice to chill him. He was blue from lack of oxygen when they finished. My Grandmother's emotions, like any mother's, was breaking for her child and all she knew how to do was pray rosaries and ask for divine help. He lived for many years after that.

When we were young we were always fascinated by my grandfathers missing fingers. He would say, "Big machine smash them, Boom. Doctors cut off." He had one finger that was smashed, but which they did not amputate. He would say, as if very thankful, "Look, they save this one.", then show us the smashed finger. I felt in the rosary all the worry and grief that my grandmother must have experienced, both for my Grandfather's pain and also wondering what the future of her family would be.

I also tried to go back and felt that the craftsman of the rosary considered himself to be doing a sacred task. The rosary was then involved in several masses that consecrated it. The practitioners of these rights were making a sacred object to guide a person along their personal journey and had all sincerity that this object would help its owner. I felt that my Grandmother would have shed many tears if she did not have the hope that her beliefs brought and a way to calm her mind.

I felt the old country and the way European Catholic societies were governed by religious life. I reflected upon the miracles of the three girls from Garabandal, which tells the tale of an agrarian society that is totally Catholic and miraculous events related to Mother Mary. The faith and conviction of these people cannot even be comprehended by the modern person. I do not feel that they were more spiritual, but they had a very firm belief system which promoted extreme concentration and dedication to saying the rosary.

When I first began the meditation I thought I might try actually praying the rosary. I'm not sure that I remember my Hail Mary prayer, but before I began I reviewed how it started and figured even a partial version would suffice. Twice I tried saying the Our Farther prayer (the Lord's prayer) and each time the words took me to my own deeper spirituality and my upper charkas opened, so I returned to my personal mantra and felt the Heart energy of the rosary, rather than my own spiritual energy.

When I came to the female 'Hail Mary' beads I was not sure what to do, so I reflected on motherhood. By the second female bead I came up with an alternative mantra which I like, "Gaia, Terra, Durga, Kali". Each words first syllable was an out-breath and the second syllable was on the in-breath, thus it is a four breath mantra. I felt motherhood as I did this and also the earth. Several revelations came to me during these phases.

When I was young I had a lot of nosebleeds, which often left me feeling weak and drained of energy. I was not given to sports, because the competitive spirit was too primitive for me to embrace. I took a liking to swimming and climbing trees, which gradually built up my strength and health. I realized that swimming and walking around the neighborhood, were the healing energy. Climbing trees took strength, but sitting up in a tree was more of a communing, a spiritual peace, and high clear energy. I realized that Earth energy (Yin) is healing and Sky energy (Yang) is enlightening.

I have always wondered whether the first charka was truly at the perineum or whether it was the souls of the feet (Bubbling Springs energy points). I realized as I sat there that when we sit the energy center at the perineum exchanges energy with the Earth and when we walk the soles of the feet exchange energy with the Earth. Thus the first Chakra has three energy points. I remember my mom saying that often she was not allowed off the porch, obviously because of my Grandmother's obsessive worrying. I also realized that my Grandmother would never walk barefoot or sit on the ground and so she had little access to the healing energy of the earth.

As I continued to meditate with the rosary, I felt that the emotional turmoil that it contained was relieved the farther along I got. The fears and pain of incarnation were assuaged by the promise of paradise. This hope of the next realm and obsessive fear of not being worthy seemed infused in this holy relic. The fact that Yeshua (Jesus) had suffered so greatly gave the feeling that personal suffering should be endured with humility: who are we to complain? Indeed the concept that life is about paying penance and that enduring suffering is a holy thing was also felt. I do not believe that these things are true, but saw how a less aware incarnate soul would find comfort in these concepts and how generations of Catholics have used this limited view to get through the tears of life.

I also reflected on my own life, as a suburban American. I feel I have been very fortunate in life. My ancestors immigrated to this new country to make a better life for their children. They had very difficult times, learning to cope. My parents worked hard to get rid of their accents, but since my Grandparents watched my during some of my early years, I had to take speech classes. I was very fortunate in growing up, even though we were lower middle class and often had less than many of our neighbors: we were blessed with a bigger back yard and many trees to enjoy. Relating to ethnic Grandparents gave me a humble perspective about life that I appreciate.

After finishing the rosary and putting it down, I felt relief. I only meditated briefly after setting it down, until my energy was balanced. I felt compelled to go wash my hands. The silver is tarnished, but it was probably all the emotions, the sorrow and fears, that I felt the need to wash off. I also felt compelled to oil the metal. I noticed that on the back was an inscription 'Roma'.